Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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