I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
