Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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