I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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