Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
