So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
