she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
