I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Couch. On fire.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
