Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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