I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
