I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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