Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
