i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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