She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
