it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
