I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
