I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm at about main and main street
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
