This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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