He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
