i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
