first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
