So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
