Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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