Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
