he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
