Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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