Welp...herpes.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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