hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Mom said you looked used
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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