You just made me feel so damn special
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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