Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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