I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
