the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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