We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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