how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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