And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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