ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
