What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
