There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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