I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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