The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
