Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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