Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He felt like a one man threesome
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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