a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
