I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
