I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
