a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
