Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
