First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
birth control should be required to get into college
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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