So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
