i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
