I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
