Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
