i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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