I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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