he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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