my sisters under your porch take her home
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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