You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
