you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
