she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
