i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
