Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
