Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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