dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
