he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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