yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
