it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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