You just made me feel so damn special
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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